I’m one of millions of people around the world who have jumped on the Mel Robbins bandwagon. I don’t listen to every podcast or interview, but many of her life lessons really resonate with me. In particular, these three have stuck:

1. If they wanted to, they would.
2. You can’t change another person.
3. Stop being mad at someone for not being who you want them to be.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how these ideas play out in the workplace - especially through a leadership lens. The truth is, they apply perfectly, just with a slightly different twist.

1. If they wanted to, they would.

Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, “A great leader is one where people want to do what has to get done.” This dovetails beautifully with Mel’s first rule. If you’re a great leader, your team will want to do what needs to be done because they’re motivated, supported, and clear on what matters.

But it also ties into something I learned years ago from Lee Friedman of The Friedman Group: when someone isn’t doing what’s expected, the first question a leader should ask is, is it a skill issue or a willingness issue?

Are they not performing because they don’t know how? Then it’s your job to coach, train, and support them so they can build that skill.

Or are they not performing because they don’t want to? Well, as Mel says, if they wanted to, they would.

So the takeaway is simple: start by asking yourself the “skill vs willingness” question. If it’s a skill issue - train. If it’s a willingness issue - find out why and take appropriate action. Either way, as a leader, you can’t afford to ignore it.

2. You can’t change another person.

True! You can’t change someone else. But as a leader, you can make your expectations clear, set boundaries, and hold people accountable for their performance and behaviour.

Your job isn’t to change who they are; it’s to help them understand what’s required, and to coach them in how to get there. That means being specific about what needs to improve. Focus on behaviours, not personality, and providing clear examples of what good looks like.

This goes beyond handing over a position description. It’s about having honest conversations, setting standards, and supporting your people to meet them.

You can’t change another person, but you can lead them, guide them, and create an environment where they can change themselves.

3. Stop being mad at someone for not being who you want them to be.

This one blends nicely with the last rule. Instead of getting frustrated with someone who isn’t meeting expectations, pause and ask yourself: Have I been clear? Have I set and communicated the standards I expect?

Instead of getting mad, get clear.

And once you’ve been clear, if they still don’t deliver, don’t stew about it. Coach them. Support them. And if it becomes clear that they’re not the right fit, make the call.

Getting angry won’t help, but clear expectations and decisive action will.

All of us, at times, get caught up in frustration when people don’t meet our expectations. But if you start applying Mel Robbins’ wisdom to leadership, you’ll find yourself pausing, reflecting, and responding proactively instead of emotionally.

And if you or someone on your team could use some leadership coaching to help put these lessons into practice, reach out to us at HR Staff n’ Stuff. We’re always here to help!