It’s the new year and like many others, over the festive season we’ve spent time reflecting on who we are, where we are going and what changes we want to make in how we approach things this year.

As leaders, we usually take it a step further and reflect on feedback we may have received from our managers, our colleagues and our direct reports.

The thing is though, some of this feedback can be conflicting and, as a result, confusing.

At HR Staff n’ Stuff we advocate for leaders adapting to meet the needs of their people, but you also can’t spend your life trying to be all things to all people AND take on all of the feedback that comes your way.

So we also advocate for using Brené Brown’s one-inch square rule, especially when it comes to feedback directed at you and for you.

Why feedback can feel so hard

Let’s be honest. Feedback can sting.

Even the helpful kind can make your stomach flip. You tell yourself to “take it on board” like a pro, but five minutes later you’re replaying it in your head and wondering if you’re terrible at your job.

Sound familliar?

That’s why we love Brené Brown’s one-inch square philosophy. It’s a sanity-saver for anyone who puts themselves out there and especially for leaders who get feedback (solicited or not!) every single day.

So, what is Brené Brown’s one-inch square rule?

Brené says to grab a tiny, one-inch-by-one-inch piece of paper and write down the names of people whose opinions truly matter to you.

The people who love you or respect you enough to be honest, not just nice. The ones who tell you the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. I encourage people to only include the people whose input you really respect. The people that you want to learn from.

That’s it. Only those names fit on your square.
Everyone else? They can have their opinions, but you don’t need to take them on.

It’s not about ignoring feedback. It’s about being selective about who you let shape you.

How this helps you lead better

When you are a leader, everyone has an opinion.

Your team. Your peers. Your boss. the guy you bumped into in the kitchen. They all think they know how you should lead.

And if you try to please all of them? You’ll drive yourself nuts.

(Quick aside – this is NOT about your employees telling you what they need from you. Please don’t ignore them! This rule refers to feedback to you about you.)

The one-inch square keeps you grounded. It brings your focus back to feedback from people who actually know your heart, your values, the way you work best, and your intentions. The ones who want to see you grow — not just take potshots at you from the sidelines. The ones whose feedback you genuinely seek and respect.

A simple filter for incoming feedback

So next time feedback lands on your desk (or in your inbox), or is given to you verbally, ask yourself:

• Is this person on my square?
• Do they know me and genuinely want me to do better?
• Or are they just throwing opinions like confetti?

If they are on your square, listen carefully. Reflect. Ask questions.

If they are not, smile, say thanks if you need to, and move on with your day.

Growing without losing yourself

Great leaders aren’t the ones who never get it wrong. They’re the ones who learn fast because they’re open to good feedback.

So how do you use this one-inch trick in real life?
Here’s what it looks like:

1. Make your list. Physically write down those few names . Mentors, trusted colleagues, people who tell you the truth with kindness.
   
2. Seek them out. Don’t wait for feedback to fall out of the sky. Ask for it regularly from your “square people.”
   
3. Pause before reacting. Take a breath when feedback stings. Sit with it before you decide what’s useful and what’s not. Try not to get defensive (a trait I know I certainly have!) and consider what you’re hearing.
   
4. Act on what matters. Pick one thing to work on. Small, consistent growth beats dramatic overhauls every time.
   
5. Let go of the noise. Not every opinion needs a response. Some feedback is just background static. Tune it out.

The takeaway

Being a leader doesn’t mean you’ve got it all figured out. It means you’re brave enough to keep learning, without letting everyone else’s opinions knock you off course.

So grab a tiny piece of paper. Write your square.

And remember, when it comes to feedback, smaller isn’t weaker, it’s wiser.

How HR Staff n’ Stuff can help

At HR Staff n’ Stuff we love to help leaders grow via training, coaching or just ad hoc advice from time to time. We’re always happy to be a sounding board or give our perspective, while empowering you to make decisions about the way you want to move forward.

If you’re in need of leadership development for you or your team, or just a friendly ear to bounce something off, give us a call. We’re always happy to help.