If you don’t prepare for a challenging conversation, you are going to make a mess of it no matter the topic. Imagine having to step into a conversation to discuss an employee’s poor hygiene – if you don’t prepare, you will “um” and “ah” your way through the whole thing making it more awkward than it needs to be. You probably won’t have a positive outcome as the person on the receiving end is likely to become defensive or so incredibly embarrassed that they fail to take in the message or feel that they can no longer face working in your business.
For situations that involve more serious matters such as poor performance or inappropriate behaviour, you need to be sure you are across all of the facts that you are capable of gathering, along with knowing how to conduct the communication in line with legislative requirements and procedural fairness. If you don’t, you may cause further issues for yourself with consequences such as unfair dismissal or adverse action claims made against you.
So, before moving forward with a difficult conversation, consider the issue, the person, whether an informal discussion is necessary or whether a more formal approach is required… Don’t jump in feet first without preparing appropriately!
2. Adjust Your Mindset
For the purposes of this blog, we are calling challenging exchanges as “difficult conversations” but we need to think about the impact of this type of labelling. If you switch things up and remind yourself that you are looking to provide constructive feedback or that you are simply having a meeting that’s only objective is to positively improve the workplace no matter the outcome, you will likely feel more confident as you prepare. This isn’t about pretending that the subject matter of the conversation is light and fluffy it’s about considering the end game and looking to improve a tricky or damaging situation or behaviour to achieve a successful outcome for everyone.
3. Honesty Matters, With a Side of Respect
A difficult conversation requires honesty – anything else is a waste of time as you won’t resolve the problem if you don’t lay your cards on the table. However, you don’t need to be cruel. Calling someone aside and saying “You stink and everyone is complaining. Here’s some soap, now use it” sure gets a message across, but we would argue it’s the wrong one. Instead, taking someone aside and letting them know that what you have to say will likely be uncomfortable for you both, and then discussing the odour issue allows the recipient to hear what you are saying and then respond. You might learn they have a medical condition that is causing the problem, or it may well be that they grew up in a home or culture that did not allow deodorant. Either way, you open the door to a conversation that minimises the embarrassment and works towards a solution.
If you have an employee that has acted improperly, you must be clear about the problem and lay out the facts as you know them. You also need to be very clear about any process you will be following in terms of management of the issue and the associated timeframes. Be thoughtful in your approach despite your own personal feelings about the behaviour you are addressing. You may be angry or feel hurt that your employee has let you down but you must stick to the facts and remove the emotion. To clarify, taking a considered and thoughtful approach doesn’t mean you are a soft touch, it simply means you are stepping into the conversation prepared and impartial but still willing to follow through on appropriate consequences.
Depending on the approach you have decided is best, you may also need to follow procedural fairness protocols, where amongst other things, you clearly lay out the concerns or allegations and allow the person an opportunity to respond.
There may be more to the story – an unfolding personal drama that has impacted behaviour, or issues at work that have not been addressed – and you need to be open to hearing the other side. Just be aware, there may be no reason and it may just be toxic behaviour and you need to be ready to address it calmly and professionally.
If you have an employee whose performance is not meeting expectations, then sugar coating the issues or gaps will not provide the employee with the insight and understanding as to where the gaps are or what they need to do about it. You need to be able to clearly articulate where the person is not meeting the needs of the role or the business and create a plan to close the gap. You can do this is a calm, professional and appropriate way, but you can’t NOT do it…. The impact on allowing constant poor performance affects more than your business impacts or productivity issues – someone not doing their job affects the morale of the whole team.
Remember – to be CLEAR is to be KIND.
4. Privacy Matters
Dealing with a difficult matter is hard for all involved and it should be conducted in a mindful and professional manner. Establish the location where the conversation will occur and ensure it allows for privacy so that no one is overheard and you are not interrupted. Everyone wants to think that even in their darkest times they will have the opportunity to prove themselves but that is made so much more difficult if they believe that everyone else knows. Shame and embarrassment can be inhibiting factors when it comes making positive changes so keep the conversation and its contents to only those that need to know and allow your employee the room and opportunity to change and improve.
5. Listen to Hear
You’ll hear the HR Staff n’ Stuff team say this phrase often but taking the time to listen to hear is vital when it comes to good communication. You never, ever know what you will learn when you truly listen. Your employee may open up about a serious personal drama that is causing the issue at work which will allow you to better understand what is going on and why there is a sudden decline in performance. Or you might uncover more facts that relate to the matter that determine this employee might need more serious consequences. You’ll be surprised by what people will say if you drop a little silence in and allow them the space to speak.
Remember, when you step into a “difficult conversation”, you may know what you need to impart but you need to allow room for your employee to speak. Their side of the story may not ultimately change the outcome or absolve them of responsibility for their poor behaviour but it may provide mitigation when it comes to determining a way to move forward and / or an outcome.
Without doubt, managing employees and their behaviours may be the hardest part of being a business leader but it can also be the most rewarding. How you handle a tough or complicated conversation can determine how it is received and the follow up response. As always, our team of HR Professionals is here to support and guide you through such challenges and are only a phone call away.
